Showing posts with label exercise bike jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise bike jokes. Show all posts

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Im 17 years old and am looking to go on a diet and excercise program, suggestions?

exercise bike jokes
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Gabriel


I'm a senior in hs and weigh 270 lbs and im about 5'11.
I'm really fat and though I play football, I am really insecure about my body.
I have man boobs (pleas no jokes) and needs advice to burn fat and develop muscle. Please help.



Answer
Diet is the most important factor of weight loss. You could be working out hours daily, but without adequate nutrition, your body will not shed fat.
Consider cutting out a majority of processed and fast foods. Eliminating sodas, white flour/rice/pastas, candy, fried foods, chips, and cake will not only help you lose weight but help your body in the long run. Eat wholesome, natural foods from the major macronutrient categories:
Carbohydrates: ex. sweet potatoes, brown rice, oats
Proteins: ex. chicken breasts, lean cuts of beef, beans, greek yogurt
Fats: ex. salmon, avocado, peanut butter, flaxseeds
Fiber: ex. broccoli, collard greens, fruits, vegetables
Try to eat a balance- don't go cutting out all the carbs or fats- your body needs each of these despite what the media may tell you.

If dieting is new to you and this all seems too much, consider taking it slow- make a list of healthy, processed foods you enjoy eating. Make another list of not so healthy foods you love. Eat 80% from the healthy side, 20% from the other. This way you am enjoy in moderation.

As for exercise, it's more important to do something you like and stick with it than doing the exercise that 'burns the most calories'. Consider working out in the gym- incorporate compound movements to build strength like squats, deadlifts, and benching. It will help you out in the field too. However, if that's not your thing, consider walking outside, biking, soccer, or as you already mentioned, football. As long as you keep it consistent and are enjoying it, you will reap the benefits.

Overall, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to stay educated. Read articles and books, watch documentaries and videos, visit websites on these topics. Don't let the media convince you what is healthy (special K is not. neither is 'zero calorie' soda). Read your food labels and stay away from something you can't pronounce.

How can i get rid of my belly?




pope1882


I'm not a fat person, but I have a belly that bothers me, I hate it. My job doesn't help either. I have to sit almost 8 hours. I don't do much exercise, but I have just bought a bike. I also love sweets and find a hard time staying away from chocolate. Don't tell me about the sit-ups, because those work for the toning of the muscles, not for losing the fat. Any help would be appreciated, no insults please.
Excellent,sticknpuck, i simply loved it!



Answer
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR UNDERSTANDING THAT SIT-UPS DON'T MAKE YOUR BELLY FAT GO AWAY!!! Seriously, you just made my freakin' day, no joke.

You need a 2-front war, 1 front being exercise & the other front being diet.

Exercise: plenty of cardio, incorporating intervals into your cardio training. also do some strength training, as lean muscle mass supports an elevated metabolism. try doing cardio 1st thing in the morning on an empty stomach to capitalize on depleted glycogen levels so that you will burn bodyfat more efficiently.

Diet: drink water like it's going out of style (at least a gallon/day). consume approx 1g of protein for every pound of bodyweight, all from healthy sources such as chicken, fish, eggs (be careful if you have high cholesterol, go for more egg whites & leave out the yolks), lowfat dairy (milk, yogurt, etc), and meat substitutes such as tofu, tempeh, seitan, and other soy-based products (hey, I'm a vegetarian so I get to do some sneaky advertising here HAHA). spread your food for the day evenly across 5-6 smaller meals; make sure you get a good dose of rapid-digesting protein (such as whey) within 20 minutes of a workout. eat plenty of fiber. focus on whole food sources for your micro & macro nutrients. I am NOT a low-carb kinda gal & you will never ever hear me endorse any crap like Atkins, but it is helpful if you taper your carbs off gradually thruout the day. green tea is also helpful, a natural thermogenic.

hope this helps some; good luck! if I can help you any more feel free to send me a message.




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Wednesday, September 18, 2013

How to make life feel more comfortable?

exercise bike jokes
 on The Ultimate Utility Bike
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jamalina


I feel like my existence is a joke. Nothing has went well for me. I usually mess things up and try to learn from it. I went through so much to understand myself, but I end up questioning myself even more in the process. Everyday, I feel unfulfilled. Not sure who I am anymore. Even doing a simple thing, like answering the phone, is a challenge for me. I think I need to be secured with who I am to be happy, but how do I find out who I really am? I have problems with my self-esteem and happiness although I am 23 year old. I feel like I am not meant to be here. Maybe I should just stop trying and just go with the flow of life.


Answer
no one has any idea what they're doing. some people pretend to know but really were just at the mercy of life.
My advise is the get more exercise, bike, walk ,swim whatever
and find something you're really passionate about
it could be anything
and devote a lot of time to it
you'll feel better ;)

Richard Dawkins graduated from Oxford University and he has excellent ideas. How many years?




Leo Domito


would it take me to complete a course in juggling, riding a mini-bike, squirting water from a flower pendent, looking funny, and blowing a horn in Oxford University?


Answer
In the eternity of eternities, there is a dimension called âfaith.â The realm of faith. The thing called âscienceâ is contained in this dimension/realm. Not all science is a joke. Faith is: action-in-a-context-or-matrix-of- not-perfect-knowledge.

Faith is actionâ¦

Faith is your will moving things, such as mind and matter in the midst of an eternity of eternities, the not-perfect-knowledge portion of these eternities. If you knew what was going to happen before it happened, if your knowledge was perfect, then faith would be âdormantâ¦â

Since your knowledge is not perfect, and since you donât know what you are about to read on the page, the page of your future (all things have their likeness), you keep moving. Good job. Seek and ye shall find.

Faith is movement or action, will. Your eyes move over these words, your brain moves over them. You act upon these words not knowing before hand what youâre going to read. Learn to read the future if you have faith to do so, to learn to do so. Your faith would be dormant in such a case of knowing the future eternityâ¦

Faith is movement of the mind.

Movement in the dimension of the Changeless is what it is. Freedom in the Changeless is what it is. Knowledge is the light of truth; intelligence was not created or made, it canât be created or made. You were in the beginning with God, that which is Spirit, even the spirit of truth. Truth is knowledge of things as they Are.

All contradictions in the Changeless are what they are. These are words; they may refer to something if you have the faith to bring to pass the meaning, even the true meaning thereof.

One of your long term goalsâtrillions upon trillions of eonsâmay be to transcend Experience. For now, you may just want to focus on saving your money and getting enough exercise.




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Monday, September 16, 2013

What is the best way to do cardio exercises?

exercise bike jokes
 on Exercise Machine for Laundry
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cowboyrich


Running, biking, jump rope... what really get the heart rate up?


Answer
I jump rope, dance to Richard Simmons tapes...no joke, sometimes I run on my treadmill, sometimes I walk to the local grocery store instead of driving. My basement also allows me to rollerblade in it all year 'round.

What are some fun things and dangerous things to do when your bored?




Danny


What are some good exciting and maybe dangerous ways to defeat boredum, im up for anything, (not gay). Somethings with lighters maybe, or bike things?


Answer
_474 Things To Do When You're Bored_ Here are some:

- Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog's hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog...see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a bed of nails
- DON'T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your pillow X-rayed
- Drink straight shots...of water
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown
- Give your goldfish a perm
- Fly a brick
- Play tag...on West 35th Street
- Exorcise a ghost
- Exercise a ghost
- Be blue
- Be red
- But don't be orange
- Plant a shoe
- Sweat
- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
- Turn
- Write a letter to Plato
- Mail it
- Take your sofa for a walk
- Start
- Stop
- Dial 911 and breathe heavily
- Go to a funeral...tell jokes
- Play the piano...with mittens on
- Scheme
- Sit
- Stay
- Water your family room
- Cause a power failure
- Roll over
- Play dead
- Find a witch
- Burn her
- Donate your brother's body to science
- Ask why
- Wriggle
- Regress
- Sleepwalk without sleeping
- Try to join Hell's Angels by mail
- Wonder
- Be a square root
- Ask stupid questions
- Weld your car doors shut
- Spew
- Vacation at Three-Mile Island
- Surf Ohio
- Teach your pet rock to play dead
- Go bowling for small game
- Be a monk...for a day
- Wear a sweatband to your wedding
- Staple
- Run away
- Intimidate a piece of chalk
- Abuse the plumbing
- Bend a florescent light
- Bend a brick
- Annoy total strangers
- Let the best man win
- Believe in Santa Claus
- Throw marshmallows against the wall
- Hold an ice cube as long as possible
- Adopt strange mannerisms
- Blow up a balloon until it pops
- Sing soft and sweet and clear
- Sing loud and sour and gravely
- Open everything
- Balance a pencil on your nose
- Pour milk in your shoes
- Write graffiti under the rug
- Embarrass yourself
- Grind your teeth
- Chew ice
- Count your belly button
- Sit in a row
- Stack crumbs
- Gesture
- Save your toenail clippings
- Make a pass at your blender
- Punt
- Make up words that start with X
- Make oatmeal in the bathtub
- Search for the Lost Chord
- Chew on a sofa cushion
- Sing a duet
- Balance a pillow on your head
- Hold your breath
- Faint
- Stretch
- Flash your mailman
- Teach your TA English
- Learn to speak Farsi
- Swear in Russian
- Use an eraser until it goes away
- Disassemble your car
- Put it together inside out
- Record your walls
- Interview your feet
- Make a list of your favorite fungi
- Sell formaldehyde
- Repeat
- Ad lib
- Fade
- File your teeth - Whine
- Rake your carpet
- Re-elect Richard Nixon
- Critique "Three's Company"
- Listen to a painting
- Play with matches
- Buff your cat
- Race ferrets
- Paint your house...Day-Glow Orange
- Have a formal dinner at White Castle
- Read Homer in the original Greek
- Learn Greek
- Change your mind
- Change it back
- Watch the sun...see if it moves
- Build a pyramid
- Stand on your head
- Stand on someone else's head
- Spit shine your Nikes
- See how long you can stay awake
- See how long you can sleep
- Paint your teeth
- Wear a salad
- Speak with a forked tongue
- Paint stripes on a lake
- Ski Kansas
- Sleep in freefall
- Kill a Joule
- Test thin ice...with a pogo stick
- Apply for a unicorn hunting license
- Do a good job
- Crawl
- Invite the Mansons over for dinner
- Paint your windows
- Watch a watch until it stops
- Flash your goldfish
- Paint
- Flirt with an evergreen
- Smile
- Rotate your garden...daily
- Paint a smile
- Shoot a fire hydrant
- Apologize to it
- Pretend you're blind
- Annoy yourself
- Get mad at yourself
- Stop speaking to yourself
- Be a side effect
- Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley
- Duck
- Redecorate...your garage
- Develop a complex
- Join the Army...be someone simple
- Try harder
- Hit the deck
- Put leg-warmers on your furniture
- Cut the deck
- Crumple
- Translate Shakespeare into English
- Skydive to church
- Cheer up a potato
- Do aerobic exercises...in your head
- Play cards with your swimming pool
- Pinstripe your driveway
- Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
- Harness chipmunk power
- Build a house with ice cubes
- Call London for a cab
- Mug a stop sign
- Change your name...daily
- Go for a walk in your attic
- Challenge your neighbor to a duel
- Build a house out of toothpicks
- Howl
- Wear a lampshade on your head
- Memorize the dictionary
- Stomp grapes in the bathtub
- Find a bug and chase it
- Make yourself a pair of wings

For more, visit: http://www.cs.earlham.edu/~jimg/reading/bored.html




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